Hate To See You Like This
by SadBlackPanda
Summary: An alternative ending to the episode Dark Side Of The Moon  5.16


Seeing Cas so lost felt like a punch in Dean's stomach.

He and Sam are packing their things. They got out of Heaven alive and are now leaving the motel. A new gig. A new town. Just as always.

When they had, how do you say it, raised from death, Dean immediately called Castiel. It took just few seconds and Cas was there, looking so… Anxious. It had surprised Dean.

"Well, what did he say?" Castiel asked taking steps towards Dean, not forgetting the personal space. Dean rubbed his temple nervously and tried to avoid Cas' serious gaze. Of course he wanted to know what Joshua had told the brothers, he deserved to know, but Dean wasn't able to tell him. He knew that his words would've break Castiel's heart.

"Cas, we-" but Dean couldn't say it. Couldn't tell that God just don't care, he thinks he'd done enough. In the background Sam was still packing and listened to Dean and Castiel's conversation.

"Dean, just tell him," he blurted still his back at them. Sam's words made the angel frown as he briefly glared at Sam's back.

"Tell me what?" Castiel asked, his voice low and demanding, turning gaze on Dean. Dean swallowed hard and faced the frowning angel, taking a few steps towards him, breaking the personal space. They stood there, less than a foot apart of each other, just gazing. Dean sighed deep.

"He said… He said God thinks he'd done enough. That… That this isn't his problem," and Dean turned around and continued packing, leaving the shocked angel deal with his feeling alone. Dean heard Cas' steps.

"Maybe… Maybe Joshua was lying," Cas said staring so broken somewhere in the remoteness. Dean zipped his duffel bag and turned to see Cas, to make sure the angel was alright. Well, he wasn't.

"I don't think he was, Cas. I'm sorry," Sam said letting out a sight. Dean frown a little. He knew Sam was talking the truth, but he really could understand why Castiel didn't want to believe it. They had talked about it, finding God, and Dean knew how important it had been to 's why he hadn't had any second thoughts about giving his amulet to Cas. All Dean had wanted was that Cas could find his Father.

Castiel turned taking a few steps, glaring at the ceiling. Dean couldn't see his eyes, just the back of the trench coat, but he could swear that Cas' eyes was right now full of anger and pain.

"You son of a bitch… I believed in," Cas cursed at the ceiling. His words surprised Dean, but he understands. He knew what Cas was feeling. He had been there, just as angry, just as much in pain, just as much… Lost.

For a moment Castiel stayed quite, like he was waiting for some response. He didn't get any. He turned around, and Dean could see his face now, his eyes full of disappointment, so hopeless.

"I don't need this anymore," he said, taking the amulet from his pocket, giving it the last look, before he threw it back to it's owner. Dean caught the amulet and just stared it for a while, slowly raising his gaze, but still not looking at Cas.

"It's worthless," Cas said, turning around, ready to leave.

That's something Dean don't want to happen.

Dean takes a few confident steps towards the broken angel. He's not the same angel Dean met a few years back. "I am an angel of the Lord." No, he's more human now. He's Dean's friend, his angel.

Dean grabs the angels shoulder and turns him around. Castiel's eyes are full of pain, Dean knows it, but now he looks more confused and surprised. But he doesn't leave, he doesn't zap himself back to Heaven or to some other place, he stays here, looking Dean straight to his eyes.

"What?" he asks, voice low and full of anger. Dean doesn't have an answer for that. For a brief moment he stares at the amulet in his hand, lifts his hand and slowly places the amulet to his neck. Dean gives the angel a small smile and waits for a thank you or something. Cas looks at the amulet hanging there and covers it with his hands.

"I think you'll need it more than I do," Dean smiles and puts his and on Cas'.

Sam on the background shrugs. Is Dean really giving his amulet away? The one he got from his little brother? For Christmas?

Carefully Cas leans towards Dean. This makes Dean a little confused and awkward, but he still wraps his arms around the angel, who's now biting his lips to keep the tears away.

"It's okay," Dean whispers in Cas' ear. Cas just nods and lets a tear run down his cheek. He tighten his grab of Dean coat and buries his face into Dean's shoulder.

"It's okay," Dean hushes and just lets Castiel be.


End file.
